#37: Sick Days and Bratty Behaviour

a bit of a rant but there's some good stuff, promise

By now, I have amassed at least twenty drafts of this newsletter - one written in the tone of Lady Whistledown, one about sound healing, and so many others. It seems as though with each rewrite, I fumble and overthink and trip over all my ideas. Between each paragraph, I’m stubbornly haunted by an old acquaintance who suggested I add more ‘value’ in this project.

Since that conversation, I’ve wondered what that meant. Must I be sending out the latest news in the creative industry? Or maybe a rundown of my thoughts on the economy at the moment? Maybe a series of self-help tips for building confidence and integrating wellness into our lives? I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t caused some doubt in my work since then.

But that’s all it’s been: doubt. The little dust that sits atops every woman’s shoulders, chirps like a little bird, whispering unhelpful questions into her ears. Value has long been tied to financial worth, a.k.a, something you can sell or buy. If you look it up in a dictionary, value is:
1. the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.

2. estimate the monetary worth of.

To be perfectly honest, of all the books I’ve read in the past year or so - the ones that gave me the most value read like what they call ‘chick-lit’. Pleasurable. Light. Funny. Something that puts a smile on your face and you don’t necessarily have to read it again or quote it to your friends. It’s f*king fun. More than anything, it offers a space outside of the market, outside of self-development, and exists on a plane where everything is actually okay and we all mess up sometimes but the world isn’t going to explode because I haven’t done a 30 step morning routine today.

For every Anna Karenina, there is a Bridget Jones - and if the market has taught us anything in the last few years, it’s that both deserve to be on the same bookshelf. We’ve heard about the way Taylor Swift and Beyoncé lifted the US economy on their backs like it was nothing.

We’re witnessing, in real time, how femme and female centered music is taking the cultural landscape by storm (let me guess, the song playing over and over in your head is either Sabrina Carpenter, Chappell Roan, Charli XCX, Billie Eilish, Tyla, or T-Swift).

And we all saw how many records Barbie broke, how critically acclaimed the film was, and how its awards fell short.

Clearly, value is not the problem, but recognition of value is. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it seems like only institutions claiming to be the authority on Beauty can’t understand it in the first place.

I’ve been sitting at home for the past couple of days, high off of hospital IV and hyperventilation, and I’ve had some time to actually sit and think about all of this. In an episode of Diary of a CEO, sex expert Louise Perry talks about the ‘empathy gap’ between men and women. She also makes quite a few unpopular opinions of hers known, but watch it for yourselves and pick your truths here. In my opinion, her observations are unique, and worth looking into, even if only on some level.

On a related note, there’s the concept of unpaid work: the dishes and the laundry and the lunch and all of it again tomorrow. Thanks to good ol’ gender roles, this work is feminised - or rather - because this work is feminised, it is unpaid. My labour isn’t worth remuneration, isn’t worth ‘value’, but should spring forth out of my body with an effortless desire to make the world sparkly, because I have ovaries.

When it comes to the role of women in society, pregnancy and child-rearing is a massive portion of it. So if we are really on the brink of artificial wombs, does mothering and care then become labour that requires payment, labour that is ‘valued’? The idea of artificial wombs alone have caused an uproar on the internet - with comparisons to the Matrix and Mad Max already on the scene when news of this tech broke out some 2 years ago. Cleo Abram breaks down why it’s a good thing.

How I’m Simmering Down & Recentering:

The Madwoman in the Attic: When I feel disempowered, or full of doubt, I go back to this beautiful text and rediscover all the reasons my voice does in fact matter. Long story short, this book is a feminist examination of Victorian literature, and I can’t recommend it enough.

Women, Food and God: Author and teacher Geneen Roth’s 2009 book deals with compulsive eating, emotional eating, and all things diet culture that exist as a symptom of something larger. It’s a short read, but intense - and there are no trigger warnings, so if these topics are something you’ve struggled with, I’d exercise caution.

All About Love: This one’s more for the gentler but still powerful read, and this beautifully human audiobook version is what I’ve been listening to. bell hooks should be mandatory reading for any adult today, especially all you romantics out there.

Brat: My favourite Gujarati party girl is back and she is smashing the charts with ‘brat’. To gain a bit more cultural perspective, here’s part one of a 3 part video series explaining its significance. To me, it’s most important because Charli manages to blend club bangers, wild child anthems, and a vivid portrait of what it means to be a girl: confidence, insecurity, and emotional whirlwind all championed.

As always, thank you for reading. If you enjoyed any of the links, or things I’ve been talking about, consider pledging your support for Poetry in Motion! I don’t plan to go paid any time soon, but the pledge alone means a lot. If that makes you nervous still, just give this post a share. All of it helps, and keeps me writing for all of you.

Sending you the utmost confidence,

Kaav.